The Secret Relationship—Adventure Romance or Bad Idea?

October 5, 2011 in Apocalypse World

On your quest for that perfect young adult romance, have you ever found yourself immersed in a secret relationship? A covert type of adventure romance that was thrilling and exciting, but mostly because you kept this fantasy romance under wraps?

In the search for your perfect mate, you may find yourself dating and mating with someone you want to keep a secret. Your could be interracial dating situation but your family doesn’t approve of interracial relationships. Maybe you thought you found a young adult fantasy romance with a coworker, but didn’t want your gossipy colleagues to know, or there was a policy against workplace dating. Perhaps you’re in an undercover relationship with someone you know is not your perfect mate, so you set up online dating profiles to keep your options open. There are many reasons stealth relationships can occur, but while secrecy can give them elements of young adult fantasy and allure, there can be plenty of consequences as well.

Studies have shown that secret relationships were associated with less commitment. Those involved tend to not think of each other as partners, which limits the relationship’s feelings of intimacy and connection—sounds like the makings of a romantic apocalypse, rather than the enduring love written about in Harlequin romance novels. When you’re trying to find a mate or create the young adult fantasy romance of your dreams, it’s best to come from an honest place and not have to lie to the others in your life. An adventure romance is about having fun while you’re dating and mating, not feeling bad about being dishonest all the time.

Eden Newman found herself in stealth situation before—she was secretly dating a coal who didn’t want his family to know he was interracial dating. While she was fine with interracial relationships, he was not, and this led to much fighting, embarrassing moments where she had to hide, and ultimately led to a full-on romantic apocalypse, not the young adult romance she was seeking. This is partly why Eden Newman founded the Save the Pearls campaign and encourages others to create online dating profiles to find a mate and a fantasy romance.

Ultimately, if you’re trying for a young adult fantasy relationship, hiding it will most likely undermine its foundation. While secret trysts may be the basis for many Harlequin romance novels, it’s not something we recommend here at Save the Pearls.

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