Home sweet zombie-defense-station
April 13, 2012 in Urban Fantasy
Let’s say you wake up smack dab in the middle of a post apocalypse world. There’s a catastrophic rising of the undead, criminally insane or terrorists in full effect, and they’re lusting after tasty human, American blood—like yours. Or worse yet, you’re a Pearl and missed your mating deadline—sneaky Uni-Gov reps are stationed outside your home, waiting for the right moment to nab you, just like the peeps at the Save the Pearls headquarters warned you about. Either way, the state of the nation is right out of a zombie film or one of those urban fantasy books you’ve read. Let’s hope you were smart and safeguarded your home in advance.
Now’s the time—with a little thought and some creativity, you can protect your home with class and style. Your goal is to create a defense station slash arsenal that is completely impenetrable, while stocked with enough supplies to keep you alive for months. If you get ahead of the game, you may even be able to stockpile enough in-house entertainment to keep you sane—like a stash of video games, DVDs and young adult fantasy novels. Obviously, only a rare few will have the time and resources for that luxury.
Location, location, location. Your home’s locale is of primary importance. The urban fantasy is over—you want to build your home in the most remote area possible, like on a mountain, deep in the woods or in the desert. Ideally, it will be compound style, a la Dennis Hopper’s famous abode or the infamous Neverland ranch, with a lot less whimsy, of course. In a post apocalypse world, zombies and the undead tend to focus on areas with large human populations, so living in an area with few neighbors decreases your appeal and improves your chances of survival.
Fencing. No, I’m not referring to archery, I’m talking narly fences that the undead will not be able to climb or break through. Your fence should be too high for an agile Uni-Gov rep to leap over and with a surface too smooth to gain traction on and scale.
It’s a material world. Build your walls and doors out of concrete or metal. While your house will look like it belongs in the setting of one of your favorite post apocalyptic books, it will be a fortress that no one will want to take the time and effort to permeate. There’s something to the old adage, “Looks aren’t everything.”
Windows. What windows? This is no young adult fantasy novel you’re living in, you’re in the most real-life manifestation of Darwinism ever imagined. At the most, you’ll build a tower at the highest point of your house, with a tiny window that allows you to see who or what is heading in your direction—and enough of an opening that you have room to shoot or hurl a Molotov cocktail at who or whatever is trying to infiltrate your safety zone.
Potable water. In the event of a zombie outbreak, you’ll need your own potable water supply. The water treatment plant could be overtaken with undead, so it’s best to build a well on your property and develop some sort of filtration system. Keep your in-house supply stocked at all time in case the Uni-Gov is sneaking around outside your grounds, ready to pounce. The less you go in and out of your house, the better. Stay inside and catch up on reading those urban fantasy novels you stockpiled.
Powering up. Now is the time to go green. As you’ve probably read in many post apocalyptic books, the environment could be totally destroyed—but the sun always survives. Install solar panels immediately. It’s also imperative that you have a generator and plenty of fuel to keep it powered up.
Put these guidelines into effect and you’ll be able to keep the undesirables out, whether there’s a horrific zombie takeover, terrorist attack or in case the Save the Pearls campaign fails. How’s that for giving shelter an entirely new meaning?